Close Encounters of the Tinder Kind

Oh, Tinder. All 3 of us have used it here and elsewhere to meet men, and every once in awhile we get lucky. As in, a guy doesn’t immediately ask for sex, talk about his penis, or ask if we’re into ‘foot stuff.’ Flattered, but no thanks.

Have our standards sunk so low that chatting with a Tinder match who isn’t an aggressive dick now feels special? He didn’t ask for a picture of my asshole, it must be true love!

I had a Tinder encounter last week that was of a most interesting variety. This wasn’t your run of the mill perv, but rather, a straight up nut job.







I never responded to this lovely human after receiving these messages. I’m dying to know what you girls think of this interaction. Be honest with me: could this be my soulmate?!



Welp, Dick Free October It Is

In the past week, I’ve had so many uncomfortable encounters with men that I have seriously considered going lesbian. I’ve dabbled in girl-on-girl action, and while I’ve always pictured myself ending up with a man, my thoughts have been slanting the other way recently. Here are a few reasons why:

1. An older married male colleague told me I had a nice rack and asked if I wanted to go to a nightclub.
2. A cute Danish man I was on a date with aggressively started tearing at my clothes and begged me to have sex with him multiple times, even after I told him I wasn’t interested in sleeping with him that night.
3. A Portuguese dude I was talking to via Whatsapp exploded my phone with 16 messages in a row about what an idiot I am because I asked him to stop talking about his penis and HE WANTED TO TELL ME ABOUT HIS PENIS, GODDAMNIT.
4. My summer fling, who I’ve known for years and has always been sweet and respectful, asked me to send him nude photos. When I said that was flattering but declined, he proceeded to pressure me and ask over and over again, explaining that it was perfectly safe to do so because he doesn’t use iCloud and would never share the photos.
5. I met a nice man at a work conference this weekend who asked me out for a drink. I then found out from mutual friends that he is engaged.

4x18hammockupI would rather date The Todd than the men I’ve been interacting with lately

photo credit

This was all in one week! I can’t even fucking handle how skeezy guys have been to me lately. I find my thoughts drifting towards ‘you must be asking for it’ and ‘’it’s not that bad’ but then my rational side kicks in and I’m like ‘fuck that, you don’t deserve this shit.’ After a pretty severe panic attack which ended up with me locked into a hotel room when I should have been out exploring an awesome city, I decided that I’m giving up on dudes for at least a month. I am going to legitimately practice not giving any fucks, by choosing to shut down any romantic thoughts, wearing only granny panties, and closing down any and all online dating accounts. One month dick free. Here we go.