Close Encounters of the Tinder Kind

Oh, Tinder. All 3 of us have used it here and elsewhere to meet men, and every once in awhile we get lucky. As in, a guy doesn’t immediately ask for sex, talk about his penis, or ask if we’re into ‘foot stuff.’ Flattered, but no thanks.

Have our standards sunk so low that chatting with a Tinder match who isn’t an aggressive dick now feels special? He didn’t ask for a picture of my asshole, it must be true love!

I had a Tinder encounter last week that was of a most interesting variety. This wasn’t your run of the mill perv, but rather, a straight up nut job.







I never responded to this lovely human after receiving these messages. I’m dying to know what you girls think of this interaction. Be honest with me: could this be my soulmate?!



18 thoughts on “Close Encounters of the Tinder Kind

  1. First and foremost I believe he needs some social skills. Why in humanity do we feel the need to justify our stupidity and call it a ‘test,’ which takes the blame off ourselves and puts it in the hands of others? Take some credit, you idiot. Nay do I believe that our dicks/penis/cocks and our cunts/vaginas/pussies are to be used to ‘test.’ Clearly a moron and clearly a waste of time. Go back trying to piss out of your morning wood and leave us belligerent feminists alone, because clearly we are no match for your asinine patriarchy. Be careful some Tinder girl doesn’t try to cut off your unremarkable dick next time. Keep those tests to yourself, no one likes them.


    • Well you my friend are the psychologist here, so I believe you’ll know what I’m talking about when I mention deindividuation theory. People are dicks online. Whether they think they are anonymous, or that there aren’t real world consequences, it brings out a dark side.


  2. Whoa, talk about a cry for help! I won’t even give this guy the pleasure of getting worked up about the endless slew of nonsense he just couldn’t keep to himself. I wish there was an ‘off’ or ‘reset’ button on guys like this. What kind of fucked up experiences has this guy had in order to just be so down right cray. His attitude lacks maturity, something lacking for many people; it’s just disheartening to see how one can succumb to literally imploding when being confronted with a strong individual.


  3. Oh.My.God. First of all, I’m sure you didn’t join Tinder for some random biology lesson! He just went on and on and on didn’t he! The calling you an ‘idiot’ was mean too, no one wants to date a mean person!!


  4. Blah blah blah, travel, blah blah blah, my morning wood, blah blah…wait what? No sorry that was not a normal transition.
    Let me guess how he hoped this would play out, if she had only passed the test…
    Him: awkwardly timed uninvited reference to his penis
    Her: *giggles* (she is easily amused, good sign for passing the test) haha what do you mean i can never understand?? Girls have stuff to deal with too you know!
    Him: what do you mean? (Opportunity to now mention her genitals) *insert purposefully lame attempt to describe a female body annoyance, hoping she will correct and therefore describe more of her anatomy*
    Her: *flirts back with description of female genitalia, complete with personal anecdote*
    Him: *slight shaming joke to maintain dominance in conversation*
    Her: *submits via emoji response*
    Him: yes, she has passed the test. I can successfully rule her non-brain and continue my quest to get laid via tinder as many times as I can while appearing sincere.

    Dude you’re so boring and predictable. Your mating dance needs an update. I recommend something involving respect and awe for your potential mate…and I promise it can still be filled with sexually charged flirtation. The awe will spread back to you, if you do it right, and you’ll still get to bask in your masculine glory. In the best way, though. No more loser pick up attempts, okay? Good luck!


  5. He did what many men do on dating services (turned the conversation into a sexual one), it wasn’t well-received, so he got defensive and tried playing it off like it was a normal thing to say (it’s not). But you’re right, he *would not* have said anything like that if you were in the library, the grocery store, or anywhere in public, together in person. The screen allows people to be mean. It’s really unproductive to resort to insulting people and their intelligence. The fact that you didn’t like his sexual comment does not reflect your intelligence. He should ask himself how he would want his mother or sister or future daughter to be spoken to over an app like Tinder. Upon that reflection, maybe he will realize the true nature of his comment.

    Also, he is not the authority on what is offensive or not. If the person on the receiving end of a comment is offended, then it’s offensive, regardless of the speaking person’s intention. As a human being and citizen of society, one should be aware and responsible for how they interact with and affect others. Just own up to it, say sorry, you didn’t mean any harm, and move on. If someone is offended, it doesn’t mean they’re an “idiot.” I think his follow-up reaction was a defensive and desperate attempt to save face.

    I would also like to point out that this has nothing to do with race. Not sure how that leap in conversation/argument happened…

    And language is such a subjective thing – who’s to say which words are equivalent in vulgarity? There is no authority on this, especially not this guy.

    Everybody, everywhere, please check out:
    She’s leading the way in addressing this culture of men approaching women in an unwanted and inappropriate sexual way.

    [I would also like to add that I am not against sexual advances altogether, but only when I know the person and there is mutual trust between us. I certainly don’t want to make it seem like sexualized women are bad, because we’re not! Women are totally sexual, but that does not mean that men can just treat us and talk to us only as sexual objects.]


    • I’m the same way!! If I’m comfortable with a guy, sexy talk is awesome! It’s just when people online force a stranger into unwanted sexual conversation and then are unrelentless when you express discomfort that makes me so angry. I just spent 30 minutes reading through that instagram. So good!!!!


  6. Wow… What could he possibly say about taxidermy without offending the animals. Homeboy is caught in a viscous cycle… His misogyny gets mixed with his hormones (which in addition to giving males an erection in the morning causes some to bring up their member during the meet-and-greet portion of a digital aquainting), and this causes women to reject him, and this causes him further frustrated anger. It doesn’t make this guy a monster, just a bit juvenile, certainly insecure, and harboring unsorted anger against the fairer genre.


    • These comments alone don’t make him a monster, but it did make me really paranoid shortly after. How do I know he’s not a violent person who had snapped? I was looking over my shoulder all weekend.
      Tinder was horror stories upon horror stories in my experience.


  7. Oh boy. What an insecure nut job who knows WAY too much about boners. This dude needs some MANNERS! Good call on not responding 🙂


  8. My initial, and really only response to this conversation was to pity the poor guy. I once dated a man who was very similar, the second I would tell him I was uncomfortable with something he said or how he was behaving he would turn the conversation around so he was the victim. He would viciously attack me and others to make himself feel better, constantly riding some high horse of twisted dark insecurity that continuously birthed a monstrously narcissistic baby. Whats sad is that this guy I dated was a funny, attractive, charismatic man who just so happened to have a lot of emotional/behavioral issues.
    This tinder man of yours seems to be a lot of those same things, even below his terrible banter you can see that he is not totally devoid of intelligence. I think that when he accused you of being “traumatized by tinder dick” he may have been projecting his own experience of being “traumatized” by “tinder pussy”. The rant that ensued just shows that he is not capable of controlling his emotions enough to respect others. Sure, its depressing to run into this on social media/dating apps, but look at the bright side; you could have met this guy at a library, gone on lots of great dates, and then run into the same problem a few months into a blossoming relationship. Tinder and the like may open the flood gates for the crazies to come pouring through, but thats just because it enables you to intimately interact with huge amounts of people so quickly. All I can say is keep on trekking Veronica! For every terribly disrespectful and downright insane tinder conversation you have there are bound to be 10 times as many respectful, entertaining encounters.


    • Aw chica, I’m thinking of your two main men and I’m not really sure which one you are referring to here. You’re right, this guy is obviously not a total dummy in the IQ department because he’s relatively well-written BUT definitely could use a refresher course in logical fallacies.
      As far as tinder is concerned, there are more terrible conversations than good ones, but the people I’ve met in real life here have all been wonderful so I’m not too worried 😉
      And you are also totally right that I dodged a bullet by not meeting this person in real life. He seemed very cute and charming and witty, so I am glad that he showed me his true colors before I was invested.
      ❤ you C-bomb!


  9. I just don’t even get why he tried to justify himself. News flash: girls don’t get turned on hearing about a stranger’s morning wood, nor is that an intriguing comment that would begin a decent conversation…and possible love interest.


  10. To Tinder guy: This is a real person you were talking to. Not a fake cyber being and not someone you’ve known for years. She tried to get to know you and you messed up, BIG time. Respect and some common decency are little to ask of someone, please go learn some. Being offensive and insulting only shows that you are insecure. This will not get you laid, it will make people avoid you. Next time, try to get to know the person first. Respect cannot be forced, it is earned. Now, put that technological device(s) down and go practice on some real people. I know it might sound daunting, but I’m sure you’ll learn a lot.


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